Mom vs. Teacher

I constantly struggle with finding a balance between being "mom" and "teacher."  Honestly, I didn't even realize how bad it was until about two months ago, when Brent's speech teacher took my hand and told me, "...I struggled the same way with my children.  He doesn't need a teacher, he needs his Mama..."  It made me cry, and still does.  Being a teacher is who I am.  It wasn't just a career choice, it was a complete lifestyle change.  Not that I had much of a lifestyle as a college student, but it was a mold to fill.  You are expected to behave a certain way - at all times - because parents and students can be anywhere.  Teachers are expected to be the best of role models, and anything but spreads like wildfire through the parent grapevine. The items in your cart at Wal-mart must even be acceptable - or at least strategically placed in the cart.

So because of this, I find it challenging to separate "mom" and "teacher."  I mean, Moms are supposed to be teachers, but I know I am sometimes on a dangerous level.  I expect more of my child.  I constantly see the opportunities for "life lessons."  I realize now his speech teacher was right- sometimes, maybe most of the time, I need to focus more on loving, and less on teaching.  But then, I find myself falling back into "teacher" mode because as a teacher, we do love our students...there are just too many similarities between "teacher" and "mom" to really, truly separate the two...at least I haven't figured it out yet.

Tonight I finished reading a book, Firefly Lane, that I thoroughly enjoyed.  It was primarily about friendship, but I really took away another strong impression: the relationship a mother has with her children is completely what she makes of it.  It is a relationship that should be unconditional, unfailing, and strong.  What we give/teach our children is something they will carry with them forever- whether they want to or not.  I want the best for Brent.  I want him to be successful and happy, kind and forgiving.  I want him to feel safe and loved, respected and cherished.  I understand what the speech teacher meant, but I am just not sure how to separate "teacher" and "mom" - because both roles are so intertwined.

This morning we were at a program at the library with lots of younger kids; true toddlers.  Brent was kicking a ball, rather wildly.  I had asked him repeatedly to please be careful and pointed to the smaller children.  At one point, another child kicked the ball and Brent turned on his heel, running to go after it- and immediately ran down a little girl who couldn't have been one.  She started crying.  As I tried to comfort her, Brent suddenly was taken over by heart-wrenching sobs that shook his whole little body and he clung to me, as if trying to disappear.  I couldn't pick both of them up, and finally the mom appeared.  I don't recall yelling at Brent when it happened.  I knew it was an accident.  I remember telling him to say he was sorry, and then he started crying.  I've never heard him cry like that.  It was heart-wrenching.  I think he was embarrassed, and truly felt bad for hurting the little girl.  It took him several minutes to stop crying, and even after the incident, he didn't act like his normal self for several hours.  I told him it was a good thing that he felt bad, and that it was okay, that accidents happen, but next time, he should say sorry.  It's hard to find the right words - or to even know if I need to say anything at all.